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olbustedhotness(... and yes, RFL probably stands for just what you think it does.)
► Give a two or three word description of yourself:
If you ask my current partner, I believe he's grown fond of the phrase "Ol' Busted Hotness". I've also apparently gained the reputation of "Most Feared Human in the Galaxy" ... But, if you were to actually ask -me-, straight out ... I am Agent Kay of the Men in Black. And I like my coffee in the morning before even considering other human beings. As Keats once said, That is all ye know on Earth, and all ye need to know.
► Do you have any nicknames, street names, titles, or aliases?
That Ol' Busted Hotness thing, p'rhaps. Most simply call me Kay.
► What is your full birth name?
Kevin Thomas Brown.
► Where do you live?
504 Battery Park, New York City, NY, United States, Planet Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.
► Why do you live there?
Well, I had a sanctioned apartment for a while, but living at headquarters just cuts down on commute, when you get right down to it.
► What is your citizenship status?
That's a funny thing, really, since all the papers that even validated my existence as a citizen of the United States or the planet Earth in general (outside of the Men in Black) have been erased, destroyed, or otherwise liquidated. I suppose you could say I am a citizen of the planet Earth in practice, and a New Yorker at heart.
► What is your most obvious blessing or strength?
Others say it's my level-headedness. I suppose that's a good enough answer.
► What do you perceive as your greatest strength?
Man can never perceive his own strengths. The moment he does, they become weaknesses, because other people can exploit them.
► What is your most obvious flaw or weakness? I try not to have obvious flaws or weaknesses...
► What do you perceive as your greatest weakness?
... but I'm definately a nostalgic old bastard.
► Was there any event or cause to cause these weaknesses?
A few in particular, sure, but since this is a RFL3000, we'll most likely get to them later.
Physical Traits
► How old are you?
Fifty-seven years young, thank you very much.
► What is your gender?
Male.
► What is your species/race?
Caucasian homo sapien Earthling.
► How tall are you?
6'1"
► How much do you weigh?
Last MiB-sanctioned physical, I was 182. I think I need to cut back on the pistachio muffins.
► What is your general body type, frame, bone structure, and poise?
In that order: average, square-shouldered and -jawed; sturdy enough for my age; and generally a fine-tuned balance between intimidating and approachable.
► What is your skin colour?
White, as my partner Jay seems fond of voicing every five minutes.
► What is your hair colour?
It was brown, once. Now it's gone a distinguished shade of grey, if I do say so myself.
► What is your hair style?
Simple. Easy to maintain. Unremarkable. That is to say, up to code.
► Do you have any facial hair?
No.
► What is your eye colour?
Brown.
► Does it change?
No.
► How attractive are you?
I suppose in my day, I was handsome enough.
► What is your most distinguishing feature?
The Men in Black are meant to have no distinguishing features whatsoever. Perhaps my eyes.
► Do you have any scars, tattoos, or birthmarks?
Several scars. Quite a few have faded, by now ...
► If so, how did you acquire them?
In every which way from burning my hand on my Aunt Ida's toaster oven to getting bitten by a third-class Remoolian (Frank, I don't care what your excuse is, just thank your damn stars you had your rabies shots).
► What do these distinguishing marks look like?
The scars look like scars. Pale. Wound-shaped. Covered up by my suit. My eyes are ordinary human ones. We've covered them, though.
► Do they have any special significance?
There's a story behind each of them, and even if this IS a RFL3000, I still don't have room for them all.
► Where are they located?
Nowhere out of the ordinary.
► What is your handedness (left/right)?
Left.
► Do you resemble some currently known person?
Once I met a police lieutenant who looked remarkably like me. I just wrote it off to that twin theory and kept going about my business.
► What is your hand size/description?
Both hands still have all five fingers and corresponding fingernails. They're a little weathered, and not arthritic yet (thank God, knock wood) ... there's not much of merit about them. Save for that toaster oven scar I mentioned earlier on my right index finger.
► Do you wear a uniform?
Absolutely. Sanctioned by MiB Special Services.
► What kind of clothing do you wear?
I quote. "The uniform should consist of the following: black suit, white shirt, black tie, black socks, black shoes, and black sunglasses. From September through March, suits must be made of worsted wool or gabardine. From April until August, cotton or linen. Men in Black do not wear polyester. It's not only ugly, it's highly flammable." Agent's Handbook, pg. 44.
► What is your clothing's style or level of sophistication?
Black is always in style. And always professional. ... I like my suit. It wears well.
► What size are you for various pieces of clothing?
All my suits are custom-fitted, and the measurements have been classified since 1987, when the Gorths of the planet Forznab in the Kreyzar galaxy discovered a formula that can calculate a person's exact time of death based on their clothing measurements. MiB decided that this sort of predestination is not our right to access, so all clothing measurements have been carefully stored and guarded.
► Do you wear makeup?
No.
► Do you wear glasses/contacts?
No.
► What sort of vocal tone do you have?
Generally laid-back. And I do have a southern accent. Even living in Massachusetts for five years couldn't kill the Kansas in me.
► Do you get sick? ' Maybe you catch the flu twice a year and that's it? Or maybe you have a weak immune system and catch anything that goes around?
I have not been sick since November of 1989, actually. That was when the Horlonian Cooties went around. I physically could not stand being within ten feet of anyone of the opposite sex. Nasty virus, that one was. Took our medical team weeks to sort it out - mostly because the two top chemists were a man and a woman, and they had to use vaccuum tubes to send messages back and forth to each other across the lab.
History
► Where is your homeland?
Kansas.
► What are its people like?
At the risk of sounding cliche, yeah, they were mostly Good Ole Boys.
► Are you aware of its history?
Of course I am. I had it shoved down my throat in primary school just like everyone else.
► Are you patriotic or a social outcast?
Both, really ... I love this crazy, backwater planet, and I'd die to protect it, but nobody can know I exist.
► What is your opinion of home?
Home-Kansas: it's definitely quaint enough. Home-New York: no place like it. Home-Earth: It's the backwater planet of the universe, sure, but I love it. I really do. I mean, there's just something about knowing that human thought can be considered an infectious disease in some galaxies. Kinda makes you proud.
► Where is your home town? Brown County, Kansas. Yeah, we were the Brown County Browns. It got redundant after a while.
► What is your home town's name? Padonia.
► What was the area like and how did it affect you?
It was a small town where everyone knew everyone. It taught me to grow up honest. I think that's about the highest compliment you can pay a place.
► Did you witness any historical events?
Too many to list. The Zoronian Migration's right up there, I suppose. But I was present at Earth's first extra-terrestrial contact. Ever. So, even if no one knows about it ... I sure as hell did witness an historical event.
► If so, how did that event impact you?
It changed my life. Obviously.
► Are your real reasons for becoming an adventurer different from what you tell others?
What, the reason I stay here at MiB? Well ... I tell Slick sometimes that it's because he couldn't hack it without me for a partner. But by now, I think he's probably figured out that that's "Old Busted Hotness" talk for the fact that I love my job, I couldn't live any other way, and I'm proud to be working with him.
► If so, how might such secrets be revealed?
... Slips of the tongue have been known to occur on late-night diner runs.
► How far would you go to keep such secrets from being revealed?
I don't see why I have to keep it a secret from my co-workers. I don't know about anyone else, though.
► What would you do if the truth became known?
I wouldn't pay it any damn mind, actually, because around here, what's considered truth is in a constantly mutable state.
► What do you fear would occur if the truth became known?
Well, I already lost one partner to time. I'm not going to lose another because some piece of intergalactic scum turns my sentimentality into a weakness.
► Do you have any particularly high or low ability scores?
I'm an excellent marksman with just about any weapon, Earthly or interstellar, unless it was invented after 1997. Then I'd just need a few hours' time with it to figure out how its basic principles worked and I could probably pass muster with it. I know several forms of hand-to-hand combat, and I was MiB Thumb War champion five years running until we got that Grznorkian working in Customs. Damn guy's got thumbs the size of saucers.
► If so, were these scores a result of your past?
Years of dedication, training, and sheer dumb luck.
► How have these scores affected your life so far?
Well, I've stayed alive.
► Did you affect you in your chosen profession?
.... excuse me?
► What about your race, growing up were you in the majority or a minority?
I was majority.
► How were you treated by other nearby races?
Growing up? Just fine and dandy, actually. I was kinda blissfully ignorant at that time to just how many races I'd end up coming in contact with in my older years.
► Were you persecuted for your race?
Not then. But I've had my share of insults hurled at me. One Parasdolan called me an upstanding individual.... of course, on Parasdolia, that's a mortal insult and an act of war in itself. I was trying to bring him in at the time for walking on the grass (there was a Brutolian colony living on that particular patch under MiB jurisdiction, he was about to commit multiple homicide).
► Did this impact your outlook in any way?
*shrug* Lifeforms will be lifeforms.
► Did it affect your personality?
Everything affects people's personalities. They're just not always aware of it.
► How do you feel about other races?
In general? Bring on the diversity. I can't stand Bugs or Kylothians for obvious reasons. And Kreelons just irritate me in the same way some people can't stand circus midgets.
► Do you have any justification from your past experience for holding such views?
A bug swallowed me whole. A Kylothian killed one of the people I loved and endangered the rest of them. Kreelons are just plain annoying.
► Were there any traumatic experiences in your early years (death of a family member, abandonment, orphaned at an early age, etc.)?
When I was younger? Mmm ... well, unless you count the standard dead household pets and old relatives, I don't suppose so.
► Briefly describe a defining moment in your childhood and how it influenced your life.
My uncle talking about serving in World War II. He came back when I was really, really young, but I have vague memories of sitting on my mother's shoulders with a flag in my hand at the welcoming parade... but anyway. He'd tell me about how they'd go through these towns in London that had totally been leveled by the German bombers ... and how these people were still smiling, somehow, how they'd managed to find some sort of humor in it. And one time, one thing he said really stood out to me... he said, "You know, I think some of those people would have been dead if they hadn't known how to laugh at life." ... Enough said.
► What was childhood like for you?
Average, I suppose.
► Was it calm and peaceful or turbulent and traumatic?
Calm enough. Well, as calm as a farm got.
► Did you have any childhood friends? If so, who and where are they now?
Richie Downs and Bud Lowell were pretty good friends of mine when I was a kid ... who knows where they ended up, though. We used to ride our bikes down along the train tracks and shoot bb guns at cans, that sort of little kid stuff.
► Are you still close to them or have you grown apart? I'd definitely say we grew apart.
► What stupid things did you do when you were younger?
... you know, I think a better question would be what stupid things didn't I do.
► Which toys from your childhood have you kept?
None.
► If you didn't keep any, why not?
Didn't feel a need to.
► What did you do to them all?
Gave em away to kids in the grades below me. Or to the church raffle.... that one was my dad's idea.
► Do you have any deep, dark secrets in the past that may come back to haunt you?
I'm past that whole hand-to-the-forehead "oh my sweet god no" thing. Really. It's more than it's worth.
► What conflicts might arise from your past?
Enough that I don't bother thinking about them. If they come up, they come up. If not, all the better for it.
► Are you who you claim to be?
Now there's a loaded question. If you're a civilian, definitely not. If you're an alien, possibly. If you're a fellow agent, of course I am.
► Do you have any sort of criminal record?
If we were going by United States Law standards, I've done my share of property damage. But I never jaywalk.
► How do you view the heroes/legends of your country?
They did what they had to do, because they had a very firm belief that it would be worth it. I'd say that's damned admirable of them.
Family
► Who were your parents?
Martin and Joyce Brown.
► Were you raised by them?
Absolutely.
► What is your father's full name?
Martin Earl Brown.
► What is your mother's full name?
Joyce Hannah Teasdale Brown.
► What did your parents and/or foster parents do for a living?
They ran a farm. Sheep and cows. Standard southern stuff.
► What was their standing in the community?
Like I said, it was a small town. Everyone stood about the same, really.
► Did your family stay in one area or move around a lot?
Oh, we stayed.
► How did you get along with your parents?
Well enough. I mean, hell. I was a teenager just like everyone else, we'd fight. But I didn't want to saw their heads off at the neck with a kitchen knife or anything like that.
► How would your parents describe you?
Oh Lord. Ask Mom, she'd drag out the photo albums and you'd be there for days. As for Dad, he'd probably just look amused and laugh at you.
► Do you have any siblings?
Yes.
► If so how many and what were their names?
I had a sister, Hannah. Yes, Hannah's sort of one of those family names that never gets dropped. I think it's about five generations old now.
► What was your birth position in the family (i.e.last born, and child, rd, etc.)?
How did you get along with each of your siblings?
I was the oldest. Hannah was ten when I left to join Men in Black ... sometimes I wish I could see her again, you know? Just to see how she turned out. What she became. Hell, she was still in the age where she changed what she wanted to be like she changed her socks. But I've still got a family. A really, really damn big one. So I don't think about it as much as I used to. I guess maybe I should feel bad about that, but ... where would it get me?
► What was your family life like?
The sort of thing you used to see in sitcoms, and now you don't really see -anywhere-.
► List all current knowledge of family locations, spouses, children, birth dates, schooling and any important incidents that only you and they might remember.
... Oh Lord, no. I lost track of their locations years ago. I do remember we made a big deal because my cousins Ted and Anna were the first ones to go to graduate school. We had a big party... I think I was 11. ... That's not the age you exactly remember the important stuff at. There were lots of balloons. With helium. That was kind of the Big Thing if you were 11 in '57. Which I was.
► Are any or all of your family still alive?
I'd hope so.
► If so, where are they now?
I honestly don't know.
► Do you stay in touch with them or have you become estranged?
Men in Black must sever every human contact, save for that of other agents. You do the math.
► Draw out your family tree, including living and dead relatives.
You want the Brown family tree, go to the county library. There's a big poster on the wall.
► Do you love or hate one member of the family in particular?
Had a soft spot for my sister. And you can never -truly- hate family.
► Is any member of the family special to you in any way (perhaps, as a confidant, mentor, or arch-rival)?
As I said, Hannah.
► Are there any black (or white) sheep in the family (including you)?
... I'd say I'm about as black as they come.
If this person is not you, then how do you feel about them?
► Do you have a notorious or celebrated ancestor?
Several, really. *shrug*
► If so, what did this person do to become famous or infamous?
They all did small-town-scale important things. Built stores, raised barns. That sort of thing.
► What do people assume about you once your ancestry is revealed?
That I'm old-fashioned. And I guess I sort of am.
► Do you try to live up to the reputation of your ancestors, try to live it down, or ignore it?
Well ... they had a reputation in general of being good people. I'd say I try to live up to it.
► Have you begun your own family?
Sort of.
► If not, do you ever want to have a family of your own someday?
This... -is- my family. These people I work with day in and day out. Hell, even the "out-of-towners". Frank. The worms. ... The worms are more like those family friends that show up at ten on a Tuesday night and drink all your beer, though.
► What type of person would be your ideal mate?
.... Quiet. Strong. Brave. Caring. Selfless.
► What would you be willing to do to protect such a person?
Jeopardize a planet. For twenty-five years.
► Is there anything you wouldn't do to protect such a person and if so what?
I couldn't protect her. But the answer would have been no.
► Would anything change your mind on this issue and if so, what?
... I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.
Relationships
► Do you have any close friends?
Of course I do.
► If so, who and what are they like?
One's an old battle-axe of a firestarter, one's an insufferable egomaniac of a rookie and the other one's a loophole-loving girl next door. ... I'm not given to the colloquial much, but ... my friends rock.
► What is the history of their relationship(s) with you?
The first goes back a damn long way - 39 years, actually. *whistles* ... Second, not half as long, but sometimes it could be. Third? ... well, actually, you can't really explain Q by any stretch of the imagination. Q is Q.
► Do you currently have a best friend whom you would protect with your reputation or your life?
Absolutely.
► If so, who are they and what caused you to feel so close to them?
Every single one of them - because they'd do the same.
► What would have to happen for you to end this relationship?
It happened, and I hated all 1870 days of it... once I remembered. And maybe even a bit when I didn't. ... There was always this little piece missing I couldn't explain.
► Do you have any bitter enemies?
Absolutely.
► If so, who are they, what are they like, and what is the history of their feud with you?
I doubt anyone has the time or desire to read the whole list.
► Have you defeated them before?
Every single one.
► How might these enemies seek to discomfit you in the future?
Oh, they'll find new and exciting ways, I'm sure....
► What valuable or important contacts do you have?
Quite a few. As much as I hate to say it, Jeebs comes in handy once in a while, the little prick.
► How did you come to know them?
Long story. I actually went in the shop to get a new watch after I gave mine to the C18 People at Grand Central ... he wanted ID. I asked him why the hell I needed ID for a watch. He made a fuss about it. So, I drew my J2 and asked if that was ID enough, figuring I could neuralyze him after ... then he showed off all those fancypants black market guns and it went rather down hill from there. I'd had a bad day. I wasn't in the mood to deal with smart-ass two-timing asteroid belt scum. So I shot his head off. ... It grew back. I was less than pleased, until I realized, well ... I'd had a bad day. And I basically had a regenerating punching bag at my disposal. ... Needless to say, Jeebs and I have made rather a habit of his giving me attitude, and me blowing his head off. It works well, I think.
► Which person(s) or group(s) are you most loyal to?
I will give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.
► List any past serious relationships that you have had, and give a brief overview of the relationship(s).
I'd rather not, thank you.
► How do you think others generally perceive you?
Imperceivable.
► If someone crossed your path, what would you do?
Deal with it in an appropriate and prompt manner.
► Who is your most trusted ally?
My partner. Jay. (Yes, I said you, Slick, pick yourself up off the floor and/or wipe that smirk off your face.)
► Who do you trust, in general?
Jay. Zed. Q.
► Who do you despise and why?
I think we covered this base.
► Name seven things you hate in others.
Must I? I'm really not in a hating sort of mood. Though I'd have to say that rudeness and a sort of self-important ignorance rank high on the list.
► Is your image consistent?
I would hope so. But I don't know. I don't spend hours analyzing my own image. I fill out forms and give them to other people who get paid to do it. ... stop trying to get me to do your job for you.
► Do people see you in similar ways?
I'm not sure. I don't have their eyes.
► Do you deliberately present yourself differently in different situations, and how?
Of course I do. I present myself depending on protocol.
► For what would you die for?
This planet and everything on it. The people who help me defend it. My friends. My -family-. ... I'd die for what matters to me, just like anyone else would.
► For whom would you go to extremes for?
Billy Joel. ... wait, no, that's the song that just got stuck in my head. Heh. ... My partner, my friends, my planet. Perhaps even the honor of some people's memories.
► Who do you turn to when you're in trouble?
Jay.
► What is the worst thing someone has done to you?
I'd rather not discuss Serleena of Kyloth right now. She's quite dead and that's the way I'd prefer it.
► What are your general reaction to an attractive member of the opposite sex who lets you know they are available?
I guess I'd just politely acknowledge it, but not really do much. I've had my chances.
► How do you get along with others in the same field and/or work environment?
Well enough. Unless they take advantage of/disregard/disrespect the rules and/or co-workers. ... Do not get me started on the laboratory fiasco of 03.
► How can you be blackmailed, beaten, and tricked (by PCs or NPCs)?
Threaten my friends, and I will put them before me every. Single. Damn. Time. This does not ever mean that you have won, however. Ever.
► Have you lost any loves?
Yes.
► How did you handle the situation (short & long term)?
I suppose I've handled it well. I really don't have a choice as to how to handle it.
► Who would miss you, should you go missing?
Heh. Well, I already have. Twice. I would think a lot of people did the first time. Not as many, the second time. ... it's still good to know I was missed, though.
► Who might protect you?
Jay, absolutely.
► Who might be convinced to sell you out?
Jeebs. No question.
► How close are you to your friends?
Not as close as I could be. But part of that is due to my 'rank', I suppose. More reputation than rank, really...
► What do they know about you?
That I'm pretty much just as good an agent as people tend to say I am. Not that I'm bragging, mind you, just stating simple fact. That I listen to 'oldies' - they're 'oldies' now, my parents were covering their ears to them then. It never fails to amuse me. That I might as well have coffee running in my veins. That I used to work in a post office. That I smoke. That I'm divorced. That sort of thing.
► What do they not know about you?
I draw. Not necessarily well, but ... it's one of those silly little hobbies.
► What do you know and not know about them?
I know Q cares more about what we all think of her than she lets on. I know Zed didn't completely cut out meat and dairy. I know Slick probably only holds the record in the shooting range out of sheer boredom. .... as for what I don't know? How am I supposed to know?
► Do you live with anyone (housemates, roommates, relatives, friends, near-strangers, family friend, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover)?
Several hundred men, women, and intelligent lifeforms in black suits, the occasional asylum-seeking immigrant, four caffeine-crazed Worms, and a Remoolian in a pug suit.
► Are you a member of any special interest groups?
I suppose you could call MiB a special interest group.
► What is your level of involvement?
Rather high, as things go, I suppose.
► What is your current status with local law-enforcement?
I don't exist to them.
► Do you have a record of cooperation or non-cooperation with authorities?
Ha. I've got a problem with authority. ... No, really, I do. I don't mind rules. I mind the people who enforce them like the gospel. ... Ironic, yes, I know. Shh.
► Do you have a file with local, national or international law enforcement?
No.
Personality/Beliefs
► Do you, or did you, have any role models?
Absolutely. It's human nature to look up to our teachers.
► Do you have any heroes or idols, either contemporary or from legend?
Not really.
► When did you decide to become an adventurer?
I literally took a wrong turn and ended up as one.
► Why have you chosen to risk your life as a career?
Well, at the time I made the decision, it just seemed cool. ... Now I know that it's not just a career. It's a type of person. It's a state of heart. You can't just be in it for the glory, or for the cool factor. Because no one's going to know you're glorious or cool but yourself. You do it because you want to. Because people need you.
► What do you expect to get out of being an adventurer (satisfaction, glory, money, redemption, etc.)?
Being able to sleep at the end of my shift, knowing that the world's still turning. That's a pretty damn good feeling when you stop to let it hit you full force, actually.
► What, if anything, would make you stop adventuring (death of a loved one, marriage, mutilation, money, position, old age, etc.)?
I wouldn't have said this a while ago. But you'd have to kill me.
► Do you have any dreams or ambitions?
Max Ehrmann said it best. "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
► How does adventuring fit into this dream, or does it at all?
I couldn't be happier doing anything else.
► What are your short term goals (what would you like to be doing within a year)?
I'd like to still be breathing in twenty-four hours, let alone a year or twenty.
► How do you seek to fulfill these dreams, goals, & ambitions?
Breathe in. Breathe out. Do what's right.
► Do you have any great rational or irrational fears or phobias?
Losing. And not just on my own behalf.
► If so, what are the origins of or reasons behind them?
I know what loss is on a small scale. I dread knowing any scale even minutely larger.
► What, if anything, would it take for you to be able to overcome this?
I don't want to overcome it. If I'm not afraid of losing, I won't fight to win.
► How do you react when this fear manifests itself?
I find out what I can do. I do it.
► Are you willing to discuss, or even admit to, the situation?
Of course. If you don't admit to something, you can't solve it.
► What are your attitudes regarding material wealth?
Necessary evil, I suppose.
► Are you miserly with your share of the wealth, or do you spend it freely?
Men in Black holds an indeterminate amount of patents, so we don't really worry about what we need.
► Are you greedy or generous?
If someone needs something I can provide, I'm more than happy to.
► Do you see wealth as a mark of success, or just as a means to an end?
Most certainly a means to an end. Success isn't measured by money. It's measured by what you see when you look in the mirror at the end of the day.
► How do you generally treat others?
As they treat me.
► Do you trust easily (perhaps too easily) or not?
No.
► Are you introverted (shy and withdrawn) or extroverted (outgoing)?
I'll talk to people, yes. I'll be friendly. But it takes me a while to move beyond small talk.
► Are you a humble soul or blusteringly proud?
I'm humble, but I know when and how to be proud.
► Do you act differently than you feel (concealing your true thoughts)?
There's a difference between acting differently and keeping quiet, I think.
► What habits would you find most annoying in friends?
... changing the radio station without asking. Ahem. Ahem.
► Is there any race, creed, alignment, religion, class, profession, political viewpoint, or the like against which you are strongly prejudiced, and why?
Destructive, irresponsible, self-assured species and individuals that have decided they are the only ones who matter. The world isn't about looking out for yourself. When you grow up on a farm and watch three sheep huddle around one with a broken leg out on the field when it's raining, you realize that pretty quick. You don't need to have Michael Jackson and Band Aid singing "We Are The World" at you.
► How do others typically react to you?
I'd call it either an over or an under-reaction, depending on if they know me or not. Heh.
► Why, in your opinion, do they act that way?
The suit, the reputation, the overall outward image of your standard MiB. On the whole, it works.
► What are your most annoying habits?
Lord, just ask Jay. He'll gladly oblige you.
► What is your favourite food? What is your favourite drink?
Chicken lo mein, and a good cup of coffee.
► What is your favourite treat (desert)?
Black-bottom pecan pie. ... that would be the kind with chocolate on the bottom. Warmed up. With vanilla ice cream.
► Do you favour a particular cuisine?
You know, I don't, really. There are certain foods in certain types of cuisine ... andouille and chicken gumbo, veal parmesan, et cetera ... but not any particular sort of food.
► Do you savor the tastes when eating or "wolf down" your food?
I always eat slowly whenever I can. Cooking is an art. You've really got to have some skill to make something taste good. I don't care what it is.
► Do you like food mild or heavily spiced?
I like spicy food on occasion, but I can't eat it as much as I used to.
► Are there any specific foodstuffs that you find disgusting or refuse to eat?
I have seen some absolutely appalling fruits and vegetables come through customs. And miso soup is disgusting.
► Are you allergic to any food?
Not to the best of my knowledge.
► What are your favourite colour(s)?
You know ... I do like blue. Robin's egg, sky, powder, pale, blue. It's just a very calming color.
► Is there any colour that you dislike?
Puce. I have no idea what it looks like, even now. The name just annoys me.
► Do you have a favourite (or hated) song, type of music, or instrument?
Song would be "Promised Land" by Elvis Presley for favorites, and "It's A Small World" on the hated list. It's totally NOT. ... Classic rock and roll/heavy metal. ... Guitar/bagpipes.
► What is your favourite song?
Another favorite? Hmm. At the moment I'm kinda fond of a few songs by the Blue Man Group. I always like to see a group that comes to Earth with dreams make it like they have. Their sense of wonder's just absolutely inspiring.
► If you have a favourite scent, what is it?
The air on a cold, clear winter day. Or right before it rains.
► What is your favourite type of animal?
I like dogs. Big scruffy roadside "It followed me home can I keep it" dogs.
► Why do you have an affinity for that creature?
They just don't know the meaning of the word "lie". Or "hate". Dogs are all about living and doing and being. I guess any animal is, really, but ... mutts are just so ... out there about it.
► Do you have an animal totem or affinity, and if so for what?
I've always found totem animals absolutely fascinating, really, but I've never stopped to consider what mine might be. Might be interesting to find out, though.
► Is there a certain type of animal that you hate or fear?
Not in general.
► Are you allergic to any kinds of animals?
No.
► Do you have any allergies?
Penicillin.
► Is there anything that enrages you?
Absolutely, but it takes quite a bit to get me there. And if it's not clear what does, by now, I think you need to go back and read this whole mess again.
► Is there anything which embarrasses you?
No. I don't have the time (or perhaps the sense) to get embarrassed.
► How do you react to being teased about it?
I shrug it off if people give me a hard time. Or I give it right back with a smirk or two.
► Do you enjoy "roughing it", or do you prefer your creature comforts?
I can rough it if need be, but I like to be reasonably comfortable.
► Do you believe in the gods or not?
I don't think there's one uniting god for everything and everyone - at least, not anymore. Existence is far too vast for any one being to watch all of it, I don't care how omnipotent you are. But I believe that when people believe something, it becomes very real.
► Do you have a patron Deity?
Not in particular, no. But hey - there's something out there. There's always something out there. I work the proof.
► Are you devout or impious?
No clue.
► Do you actively worship and proselytize or do you simply pay lip service?
I guess you could call it lip service, maybe. But I don't see how I could worship something I don't have a definition for.
► What lengths would you go to defend your faith?
My faith in my mission, in what I do, in who I do it for and why? ... I'd die for it.
► Was your faith influenced or molded by anyone special?
By everyone and everything I've ever met.
► Do you belong to the orthodox church, or a fringe element thereof (and is the group accepted, frowned upon, or considered heretics)?
Not really, no.
► How has this impacted your faith and life?
Well, I went to church as a kid, so I guess that factors into my moral structure or whatever it is the headshrinking people call it.
► Can you kill?
Yes.
► When did you decide (or learn) that you could?
September 21, 1962. 7:03 PM Centaurian time.
► What happened and how did you handle it?
Dee and Zed and I were greeting a landing party. They ... were our first hostiles. One of them went for a civilian. I wish I could say I didn't even hesitate. I did. The civilian ended up with a broken arm. The Morlech ended up on the walls. .... I think I dropped the gun about two seconds before I passed out. Dee woke me up. I threw up on his shoes and passed out again. By the time I came to again, Zed had neuralyzed the civilians (the neuralyzer was one of the first things we got; the guns came second, of course) and I was lying in the back seat of the car. I was convinced I smelled like Morlech guts for a week, no matter how many times I changed and cleaned my suits. Long story short, it wasn't pretty.
► When do you consider it okay to kill (under what circumstances)?
Only when absolutely necessary.
► When do you consider it wrong to kill (under what circumstances)?
When it can be prevented.
► What would you do if someone else attempted to (or successfully did) kill under your "wrong" circumstances, what would be your reaction?
I'd attempt to use the appropriate disciplinary system to bring their errors to light, and then to punishment.
► What if it were your enemy?
I'd do the same, with a hell of a lot more self-control.
► What if it were your friend?
... I would try and find out the reason they had done what they did.
► What if it were an innocent?
If an innocent killed, you mean? I'd still bring them in.
► What if the opponent were not in control of their own actions (i.e.-under duress, charmed, dominated, possessed, etc.)?
I suppose that would depend. Sometimes, in those sorts of situations, the opponent truly -is- better off dead ...
► What would you do if someone shot at (attacked) you?
Duck, run, cover my ass, and attempt not to get shot. HELL of a stupid question.
► What would you do if something were stolen from you?
Do everything in my power to get it back, if it were something of importance. If not, I suppose I'd just be annoyed.
► What would you do if you were badly insulted publicly?
Appear to shrug it off, then get them back for it shrewdly later on.
► What would you do if a good friend or relative were killed by means other than natural death?
... Well, shooting Jeebs' head off multiple times seemed to help the last time it happened. And I seem to recall sleeping a lot.
► What is the one task you would absolutely refuse to do?
Consciously turn over an innocent or threatened party to hostile forces or beings.
► What do you consider to be the worst crime someone could commit and why?
Betrayal. Trust is something some people don't give out easily at all... sometimes it's the most precious thing you can give. And if you betray someone, it's like throwing napalm in their face and ripping out their heart. Yes, that does sound pretty vicious, but that's exactly what it is. And I do. Not. Stand for it.
► How do you feel about government (rulers) in general?
Eh, they could use a little work, but it's not my place. We're a bit above all that mess. .... thank God.
► Why do you feel that way?
I honestly don't keep up with Earth politics outside of MiB's circles anymore. It's like having interest in the politics of an ant colony ... no, honestly, it's on that scale of a difference in intelligence. Compared to MiB, there's just so much they don't know. It'd be laughable.
► Do you support the current government of your homeland?
I s'pose so.
► If so, how far are you willing to go to defend the government?
I honestly don't have to answer to the government for one single solitary second. I'm out for the planet, not for any one group of people or its agendas.
► If not, do you actively oppose it?
I guess you could say I don't care either way.
► Do you belong to an anti-government organization?
Not anti, just indifferent.
► If so, describe the group and its aims.
I'm part of a secret organization that monitors and polices alien activity on the planet Earth.
► What form of government do you believe is the best (democracy, monarchy, anarchy, aristocratic rule, oligarchy, matriarchy) and why?
Whatever works best.
► If you are a former member of your group, did you leave voluntarily or involuntarily and why?
Former and returned, actually. I ... thought I'd done all I could do. Turned out I left myself some unfinished business ... and I couldn't be happier that I did.
► Was it under good (amicable) conditions or bad?
Well ... the whole getting swallowed by an interstellar cockroach fell under bad. But ... wait ... no. No, the whole thing pretty much sucked.
► Are you being sought or hunted by the organization?
No.
► Do you have any unusual habits or dominant personality traits that are evident to others?
.... I suppose that'd depend on your definition of unusual. It's a very broad term around here.
► If so, describe them and how you acquired them, as well as when they might be more noticeable and what causes them?
I eat pizza crust-first. ... I don't know why.
► How do you react if made fun of for any of these things?
Shrug it off.
► Do you have any unusual or nervous mannerisms, such as when talking, thinking, afraid, under stress, or when embarrassed?
I gesture a lot when I get worked up. And sigh.
► If so, are there any reasons behind them from your past?
Not that I can think of.
► Do you have an unusual gait or accent?
I've got a bit of a southern drawl, yeah.
► If so, where did you acquire them?
.... grew up in Kansas, genius, you figure it out.
► Are there any circumstances where they become more (or less) evident?
When I'm speaking particularly quickly or loudly, it comes out more. Or when I'm irritated. When I'm being quiet, it's less pronounced.
► How do you feel and react if made fun of for any of these things?
Shrug it off. Sensing a pattern?
► What place would you most like to visit?
Zartha.
► What annoys you the most?
Maybe the fact that I think I was already asked this question, can't remember what I said, and am too lazy right now to scroll back up and look?
► What (if any) are your favourite forms of art?
Nature. No. Really.
► What is your most treasured possession?
.... .... technically, I don't think I'm supposed to have it. But since it's null, void, and harmless now .... .... I keep a small silver charm bracelet in the breast pocket of my suit coat.
► What things could you not live without?
Oxygen. Carbon. Humor.
► Do you have a good luck charm?
My sunglasses, actually. When I first joined MiB, I remember that I used to get this palpable feeling of capability when I put them on. Like I could do anything. After a while it just became a part of me, and I didn't need to put the shades on to feel it. But ... there's still just something about the damn things. Maybe they're just that damn cool.
► If your life were to end in 24 hours, what 5 things would you do in those remaining hours?
Go for a walk in Central Park. Eat a hot dog. Save the galaxy one last time if the opportunity arises. Tell my friends thank you. ... Shoot Jeebs' head one more time for the hell of it.
► Do you have a "Black-and-White" view of reality or can you see shades of grey?
Just because I wear black and white doesn't mean I see in it.
► Do you prefer to tear down or build up?
I believe in an alternation of both.
► Are you deliberate or spontaneous?
That would depend, I suppose. Sometimes you just can't go by the book.
► Do you prefer the town or the country?
The City. The Big Apple. There's nothing like it.
► If made to decide, would you rather be deaf or blind? Why?
...... Hmm. This is a bit of a delicate question, actually. Certain situations considered. Even so ... I couldn't go blind. I need to be able to see the stars. It's that simple.
► How do you feel about magic, myth, and the supernatural?
Anything's possible, I suppose.
► Do you remember your dreams?
Sometimes. And sometimes I wish I didn't.
► Describe a typical dream you might have.
I don't know. Some strange mix of anything I happened to do in the past few days.
► Describe your worst nightmares.
I'd rather not.
Career/Training
► Where and how were you educated?
Well, I went to the local high school, just like anyone else, but I only made it half through senior year before I ended up with MiB. So, (and yes, feel free to laugh, I do about it on a regular basis) I actually never graduated high school. 95% of what I know, I learned right here, on my feet, on the job, lived it breathed it ate it slept it.
► Who trained you in your class or job?
Dee.
► What was your relationship with your teacher(s)/mentor(s)?
Best damn friend I had for a long time. Tough love, but still.
► How did you happen across this teacher or mentor?
Same way I happened across the rest of it, and at the same exact time, really.
► Was your mentor kind, stern, cruel, indifferent?
All of the above at varying times and degrees, really. But all mentors have to be so that you know what you need to know.
► Is this person or institution still in existence?
Dee? I'm pretty sure he's still kickin' somewhere, but I don't think about it much. Because then I start remembering that the man has no clue who I am now. And I'd rather not think about that.
► Were you forced into your profession by parents or peers?
Nope. Not at all.
► Did circumstances dictate your choice of profession?
Absolutely.
► Were you a prize student or did you just barely pass?
I definitely struggled with the early stuff, but I tend to catch on quick. So maybe somewhere in the middle.
► Look at your skills. How did you acquire them (especially the unusual ones)?
The word 'skills' always amuses me now. I gained most of 'em out of the age-old principle of watch'n'learn, really. That, and a heavy dose of 'do as I say, not as I do'. Heh heh heh.
► Have you ever done anything else for a living?
I was postmaster of Truro, Massachusetts for five years. That was sure interesting in its own way. I thought I was happy, and I guess that's what counted.
► How do you function in combat (maneuvers, weaknesses)?
I make sure I know my enemy. I go by gut instinct a lot, too, because nine times out of ten, it's right. Rats desert ships on instinct. Animals go to high ground before floods. It pays to take a token from them once in a while. They're smarter than we think. If humans could just develop their instinct, we could really get cookin'. But instead people tend to like to have things that do everything for us so we don't have to think. ... That's kinda dangerous if you ask me. ... That's very dangerous.
As for weaknesses? I guess maybe I'm not quite as fast as I used to be, but that's not anything that's gonna stop me anytime soon. I adapt.
► How would you best be defeated?
Oh, you'd probably have to kill me dead. If I'm still breathin', I'm still kickin'.
► Have you ever received any awards or honours?
MiB gave me a rubber band ball once. Meritous paper filing in my early years. Still bounce it off the walls sometimes f'I'm bored enough. The job's its own reward, really. And I'm not sayin' that to be hokey. It really, truly is, for me.
► What have you done that was considered "outstanding" in your occupation by others in your field?
I don't blow my own horn, it's pretentious. Ask someone else. Agent G could tell you the equivalent of the Epic of Gilgamesh.
► What are your long-term goals in work?
... keep breathing and keep the Earth spinning, I guess.
► Describe any traumatic experiences in your present occupation that has affected you deeply in some way.
(( The mun takes this time to quote Kay, since he's not even lifting a finger to the keyboard on this one. "I've just been down the gullet of an interstellar cockroach, kid, and that's one of a billion memories I don't want." Add in the fact that he had to wipe out Dee's memories personally, and Laurana's death, and .... nuff said.))
► How do your relatives and friends view your present occupation?
They don't know about it.
► Is there anything that you don't currently know how to do that you wish you could?
I always thought learning to play the harmonica might be interesting.
► Are you envious of others who can do such things in a good-natured way or are you sullen and morose about it?
What, play the harmonica? It'd be kinda stupid to get sullen and morose about something like that, don'cha think?
Lifestyle/Hobbies
► What is your normal daily routine?
Well, MiB runs on Centaurian time. That's a 37-hour day. Generally, I wake up around 0645, lie in bed and bitch to myself about it until 0700, whereupon I force my ass out of bed and take a shower. Then I get suited up, get myself a few cups of coffee, have a nice breakfast. Those little toaster pastries they make now are pretty good. You know, the kind where you put the icing on yourself...? Mm. Then I go out on The Floor, check out the egg display to see what's going on ... (The egg display is the main computer screen on the main floor of headquarters, and it's our equivalent of Bloomberg Television. Anything you need to know is on there, that time of morning. Alien stocks, news, et cetera.) Sometimes, if there's paperwork left over from the previous night, I'll go over to my desk and check on that, finish it up as a sort of wake-up. Then I go get another cup of coffee or two, find Slick, and we report to Zed's office for the day's whatever. Sometimes we don't really have much, in which case I stay around headquarters, supervise The Floor a bit, help out with forms. Pretty much muck around and see what I can do. But usually, Jay and I get beat duty. Which means we hit the streets around 0900, grab the hotsheets, look for anything that might demand our attention. You know, stuff like "Mayor Wakes Up With Third Eye"... Otherwise we just take a beat around New York, look for people out of their designated residency areas, the usual. It's just like regular cops, really, only our perps have scales, tentacles, or antennae, and an allergy to chocolate. We stay on beat for about twelve hours or so, till around 2100. There are usually an average of about ten cups of coffee apiece involved during the course of duty. Then we report back to HQ and finish up our paperwork, grab some dinner. Paper-shift lasts until about 2800, at which point I go take another shower or go soak at the employee spa for a bit before bed. Sometimes I finish the paperwork early and go join a few of the gang in the lounge for the Game Show Network. I like game shows, especially some of the ones we get on satellite from out-of-galaxy... I tend to hit the sack sometime around 2900 or 3000 these days. I used to be able to make it until about 0200, but I'm getting up there. And I gotta admit, I like my sleep.
... you wanted my routine, you asked for it, and if that was long-winded it's your own damn fault.
► How do you feel and react when this routine is interrupted for some reason?
I get grouchy. Especially if it's disrupted in or around the coffee-drinking or sleeping bits.
► What are your hobbies when you are not adventuring or training?
I do enjoy a good book or a good puzzle or so. Something to scratch my head about, keep it running. Right now I'm in the middle of re-reading Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I've gotten a few odd looks for it, but I've always enjoyed seeing what the unenlightened humans still mucking around this planet think it's like out there. Not to mention that I tend to value a good laugh more than the average Jquelian does a bar of goat's milk soap.
► What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?
Oh, I've been known to head on out to the company shooting range and do a bit of practice, or just wander the halls. Hang around customs and watch the new arrivals come in ... ... ... You really meet some great beings, if you decide to just sit and peoplewatch. I'll never forget two in particular. Mother and daughter, they were; prettiest humanoids this side of Andromeda ... But that's another, much longer story, for another time, maybe. Maybe.
► What do you do for relaxation?
Sitting down with a book and a cup of coffee's relaxing enough for me. And I think I might actually be getting to a point where sitting and shooting the breeze with Jay is a possibility, now, too. That ... I like that. More than I might care to admit in certain circles.
► What things do you do for enjoyment?
I actually take quite a bit of joy out of my work, itself. A lot of the stuff I see just makes me wanna shake my head and grin.
► What interests do you have?
Oh, catch me at the right time, and I can be interested in just about anything that crops up. Right now I'm on a quest to find out what in the hell a 'hizzle' is.
► How do you normally dress, when not in your adventuring gear?
When I'm not in my suit, I'm sleeping. Black flannel pajamas.
► Do you like to dress up or down to relax?
These suits are like second skin to me. There hasn't been a 'dress up' or 'dress down' in years, it's just been 'dress'.
► Do you have a look or style? If so, describe it.
Well, I've told you what I wear, so that about covers it.
► What do you normally wear in bed at home?
Said above black flannel 'jammies.
► What do you normally wear in bed while adventuring?
Same thing. Unless there's an overnight mission or tour of duty somewhere, then I'll just sleep sitting up somewhere, in the suit. Usually, though, even that sort of thing gets foreseen, and I try to keep an extra suit and a pair of pajamas in the trunk of the car. Under the kick-panel for the De-Atomizers.
► Do you wear any identifiable jewelry?
Not actually on my person, but I do keep a piece in my pocket, as I've said.
► Where do you normally put your weapons, magic items, or other valuables when you are sleeping?
They have their own racks and cases. My suit and shoes go in my locker, a few doors down from my partner's.
► What morning or evening routines do you normally have?
See daily routine. But I did fail to mention that I take my coffee with two creamers. And occasionally a sugar packet or two, if I feel like it.
► Do these change when you are adventuring?
If I'm out in the field, my morning clean-up takes the smallest amount of time possible. When I have a mission to do, I do what's necessary to be presentable to code, and I do get that first cup of coffee, but everything else is secondary to the mission procedure.
► What pastime (that you participate in regularly) gives you the most enjoyment?
Regular old patrol. Seeing the regulars. Checking up on them. Shooting the breeze (or Jeebs).
► What pastime (that you participate in regularly) gives you the least enjoyment?
Gassing up the LTD. You always have to find an MiB-sanctioned gas station to pull in to that takes the Carte Noirs, and then there are the Fuel Requisite Forms, and ... I don't know, it's just a bitch of a thing to do.
► Do you read the newspaper? If so, which sections and how often?
Not the 'normal' newspapers. MiB relies on what people outside the circuit tend to call the supermarket tabloids, only, we call them The Hotsheets. Whole thing, front to back and side to side, in between every single line of print. Sometimes you get lucky with the other papers, but I'm pretty partial to the Sun, myself.
Travel
► How do you get around locally?
It used to be a black 1986 Ford LTD, tag number SZV766. But while I was gone Jay got himself an upgrade, and now I hold the keys to a black 2002 Mercedes-Benz E500 (Both custom cars, of course. Standard MiB structural modifications.) I miss my LTD. I knew that car. This one's got more bells and whistles than a Rube Goldberg.
► What is your idea of a good evening's entertainment?
... You ever just sit and watch a worm try to eat a Caramello bar?
► Do you get seasick, airsick, motion sick (auto or animal)?
Used to get seasick. Haven't in years. Negative-G training kind of kills any of that for you.
► Do you like riding animals?
Not particularly, but I will if I have to.
► Any fears in traveling?
I never really liked underground travel for extended periods of time. I like natural light at regular intervals. I'd call that more of a discomfort than a fear, though.
► What sorts of general belongings or equipment do you take when traveling?
Only what's necessary. And sometimes a book.
► What are your hangout places?
The Floor, the break room, the Lounge. My quarters.
► Do you go to a bar after work?
No, just the break room. If I'm on a field mission, I'll go to a bar on the rare occasion and have a scotch or a beer.
► Do you play pool?
Oh yes. Pool's quite the fun game. I've played zero gravity pool before ... now that was something.
► Do you go dancing?
No, but I used to cut a few rugs back in my teenage years, next to the old jukebox in the diner. ... Yes, I -am- serious.
► Who goes with you?
In the words of Nat King Cole, don't get around much anymore.
► What do you read?
Scientific textbooks, historical novels, myths and legends, maps, cookbooks, romances, news magazines, science fiction, fantasy, horror, the newspaper, short stories? Oh, I love to read just about anything. Still fond of science fiction and fantasy though. Just to be reminded of the breadth of human imagination. Of what we could do with it if we put it to use in the right ways ...
► Will you listen to or sing the same songs over and over, or does it drive you nuts when people do that?
Elvis Presley. Promised Land. Ask Jay, nuff said.
► How do you exercise? (Work out at the gym, walks in the morning, run marathons, play sports, couch potato, etc.?)
I'm actually pretty fond of the company pool.
► Where do you live?
In my own quarters at MiB HQ. It's about the size of a small apartment, I've got what I need.
► Do you rent or own?
I suppose you could say I rent. Maybe. In an odd sort of way.
► Apartment, house or castle?
...castle? Go figure. Well, ah, I suppose you could call it a sort of cross between a barrack, a dormitory, and an apartment. Suite, maybe. Yes, suite's a nice middle-ground term.
► How close are the neighbors?
Quite.
► Is it a good neighborhood?
Best there is.
► What colour is the house?
HQ itself is a large concrete building in Battery Park that's tricked out as the Triborough Bridge and Tunnel Authority.
► Which floor are you on?
Sub-level three, same as the rest of the suites. ... I like that word, suites, more I think about it. Has a nice ring.
► Do you have a lawn?
No, but Battery Park's right outside.
► What about a flower garden?
No, but I like to keep a little aloe plant in case I get cuts, mosquito bites, that sort of thing.
► Does your house have an attic or basement?
We've got so many subterranean levels you'd confuse a mole.
► What does your furniture look like?
Art deco. Very streamlined, comfortable, flowing stuff. Not many hard edges. It's very relaxing.
► Do you buy antiques?
I have one or two old pieces of art here and there. Photography from the World's Fair in Queens, that sort of thing.
► What are your walls covered with? Wallpaper, art, photos?
Aforementioned photography, wall clock ... flat-screen television (we had them back in '85, from Ytterbia). Framed poster of Albert Einstein with that old Imagination/Knowledge quote. Pretty basic stuff.
► What sorts of curtains do you have? Frilly lacy ones, Venetian blinds, pull-down shades?
I don't have windows, it's subterranean, remember?
► Do you keep your house clean?
Absolutely.
► Is it dusty?
Not a speck.
► Is the bathtub moldy or coated in rust?
What do you think I am, Sinalean?
► Do you clean it yourself?
Of course.
► What does your desk or workspace look like? Small and cramped, huge and expansive, covered in drifts of books and papers?, neatly ordered and clean?
Very neat and ordered, only what I need on it. Pens, pencils, computer, in and out file trays. Telephone. Stapler (which someone three desks down keeps -borrowing-, Agent En...) Little drawer full of paperclips and the like. The usual.
► Can you find what you're looking for when you need it?
Of course.
► What colour are your sheets? Satin or cotton? Patterned with flowers, or covered with pictures of toy robots?
... That's a rather odd question. Black cotton, dense thread count.
► What sorts of food do you eat?
We've covered this, I know we have. And it's not senility, so don't try to tell me it is.
► Do you cook your own dinners?
Sometimes, if I feel like it.
► Are you a good cook, a gourmet, or a terrible cook?
I'm fair enough at it.
► Do you eat out?
I swear by good takeout.
► Are you on a diet?
Oh hell no. People are always spouting about this diet and that diet, recently. If we weren't meant to eat it, it would kill us outright, so I see no point in worrying about it. People have lived perfectly healthy and long lives on red meat and a glass of wine a day, haven't they? Bring on the cheeseburger.
► Where do you vacation, and how often?
We're allotted vacation time once in a while, but I haven't taken it in years. I don't really feel the need or see the point in going somewhere on vacation alone.
► Do you have any pets?
I could say something quite sarcastic here, but I doubt it would go over well.
► Do you keep a calendar or address book?
Absolutely.
► Where do you keep it?
One in the second drawer of my desk, the other on my palm unit in my suit coat. (We had palm pilots in '71, where have you people been?)
► Did you leave a Will?
Of course I did.
► What does it say?
Any of my personal belongings not allotted to me by MiB Special Services go to my partner. He can sort out who gets what. ... Though I think Q's laid claim to the Einstein poster. She seemed to like it quite a bit when she was visiting the other day. ... Jay has every single solitary right to the charm bracelet.
Miscellaneous
► What would you like to be remembered for after your death?
Doing the best I could. Being a good, calm, decent human being. ... And I wouldn't mind being remembered for being a good friend.
► What kind of threat do you present to the public?
Absolutely none whatsoever. I protect the public.
► If your features were to be destroyed beyond recognition, is there any other way of identifying your body?
Maybe those scars I mentioned.
► How much is a pint of mead?
Depends on where you go.
And that, as they say, is that. ... Well. That was certainly a lot of finger exercise. I think I'm going to go get cup of coffee #8 now. Maybe take a crack at that crossword from the back of the Enquirer.
